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Author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", I have been a yoga teacher for several years. My primary focus is on classes designed for people recovering from addictions. I take my classes to recovery homes, halfway houses,detention centers and jails. I also lead Y12SR groups in the south SF Bay Area, CA. I am a certified Yoga of Recovery Counselor. I have designed a certification course for yoga teachers titled S.O.A.R. - Success Over Addictions and Relapse which I teach in person and ONLINE.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Suppressing Anger


Suppressing anger can be toxic.  Just as resentments are a form of taking poison hoping the subject of your feelings dies - so can repressed anger churn and infect you.

What happened was this: someone said something uncaring and unkind to me.  The top of my head blew off.  Well, it felt like it.  I was swelling with rage in my body; heart rate was going sky high, my breath was shallow, my blood pressure spiking, my voice became shrill and the urge to scream was nearly overwhelming.  My arms were just vibrating with the barely constrained desire to pummel this person. WOW!  I am a woman in long term recovery.  I am a yoga practitioner.  My daily prayer is to be compassionate, to be loving, accepting and forgiving.  Where was this kinder person now?

I pushed these physical manifestations of fury aside.  I still retained enough yogi in my character to slow my breath consciously, to soften the muscles in my neck, to unclench my hands and jaw.  I mentally talked myself into a semblance of homeostasis.  Not complete, but out of the trees where my animal self had sprung.

I tried talking it through.  My ability to communicate was impaired and my ability to listen was non-existent.  Discussion went from misunderstanding, to rude and then to downright mean.  I could not continue. I left.

With my stomach churning with acid and my body aching with the fever of suppressed anger I tried to lie down and "sleep it off".  I could not. The thoughts kept swirling in my head. "What did I say or do to cause this?" "Why can't he understand me?" "I shouldn't be angry! That isn't an enlightened way to be! What is wrong with me!" And so it goes, the second arrow hits, the self recrimination for feelings felt.    I am now going down the rabbit hole of thinking that I cannot be angry.  "Self righteous anger is the dubious luxury of other men" comes to mind. If I am a good "AA-ette" then I will avoid anger.  If I am a good practicing yogi then I will follow the path of non-harming and contentment.  Well - now I am mad, I am not a good practicing member of my 12 Step program and I am a sham of a yogi.

Danger Danger Danger:  This is toxic thinking.  Not only can anger be appropriate,  I would be out of touch with my emotions and myself if I denied myself an actual human feeling. One does get angry from time to time.  Pushing the anger down, repressing it, started to cause me to feel a total failure - not just around this issue in this relationship but in all spheres of my life, particularly those I held most dear.

In the denial of my feelings I was continuing to feed my sense of negative self worth, that part of my that I have spent YEARS trying to heal.  This kind of activity will lead me to emotional relapse. Unabated other addictions will kick in.  My disease wants me to be overwhelmed with emotions and self doubt.

The mindful way back into my true self, my complete self, my healing self, is to admit the emotion, see the anger, feel it and feel it pass.  Yes - it will and does pass.  With breath and acceptance that THIS is what I feel, not act upon, but feel will allow the sensations flow through and to leave behind the lesson.

There are lessons.  One - I had a profound physical abbreaction - a nearly out of the body experience of rage that I did not act upon.  I repeat this for my own well being: I did not act upon this rage.  Two -  with time I have been able to unpack, to uncover, the real source of the pain that lay beneath the anger; the pain, the fear, and the need.

As I investigate the reason that the words hurt so much and look into the history that lay behind my reaction I am able to respond and discuss the situation.  I can take care of my side and be open the other side.  My ears were open now that the sound of my blood pounding in my head has abated.  My physical reactions to anger have subsided so my voice has a softer quality, my lips are no longer thin with hysteria, my pupils no longer dilated with rage.  I can use words that are more expressive of true feelings and explanations and we can talk this through.

Amends are a huge part of my recovery program, not just the frequency with which I seem to need them, but for the lessons that the situations provide.  I learn about me and I learn about you and I change my behavior, and, with luck, my outlook. In time the amendment, the transformation, becomes permanent and I move on to the next challenge.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Universal Laws of Being Human and the Seed of Change

I have a note on my desk. I don't know where it came from but I have saved it.  I pick it up from time to time and say to myself - "oh yea!  I forgot about this."  It is the Six Universal Laws of Being Human.  I don't know where it originates.
The six universal laws for being human
  1. You will be given a body.
  2. You will be taught lessons.
  3. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
  4. If a lesson is not learned, it gets repeated.
  5. The more often a lesson is repeated, the harder it gets.
  6. You know you’ve learned your lesson when your actions change.

Ok - numbers one and two I can grasp.  The rest remain alternately elusive and redundant.

Number One: You will be given a body. This doesn't state what condition it will be in, what I can or will do with it nor how it will age.  Just that I get one.  Check.
Number Two: You will be taught lessons.  I didn't always consider the occurrences, challenges and even the joys in life were lessons, but I do now see them as such.  
Small disappointments- how do I handle them, how did I get into being disappointed, how do I manage or not manage to get into similar situations where disappointment may or may not be a result?   This is the nature of a lesson.  
Harder to see is the lesson as the result of terrible things happening; to myself, to family and to others. Illness, accident, surgery, loss. These "lessons" come from outside.  Sometimes they are do to life choices, life styles, or behaviors. If I persist in a dangerous or toxic behavior there is a great possibility that I will receive a lesson in the form of an illness or loss.  If I am harmed through a random event there is less I had to do with the event and no likelihood that I could have avoided it.  The lesson, again, is how I respond and how I engage in the outcome.  
Even joy has a lesson:  do I trust my joy, to I grab ahold of the joy trying to keep it, do I watch the joy. observe it and let it go.  Trying to hold on to joy can result in choking the current experience and missing the next.  In trying to maintain a level of happiness or pursing happiness as a goal can sour the present moment with the fear of losing it. So even joy has a lesson. Check.
Number Three: There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.  Now to a more obscure law. Mistakes are unintentional, they can be random.  A mistake kind of absolves me from responsibility.  "It wasn't my fault that X, Y, or Z happened - it was a mistake."  Things that happen in life which are seen as mistakes can also seem cruel;  the death of a child, the loss of a job, and unjust incarceration.  How can these not be MISTAKES?  And then I think again,  while they were not correct- they were opportunities.  Opportunities to learn and grow.  An event may be a universal fluke - but a lesson can be derived, saving it from being a useless occurrence.  Having something happen and writing it off as a mistake - would be a mistake.
Number Four: If a lesson is not learned, it gets repeated.  I have experienced this many times.  It surprises me in its simplicity and in its relentless truth.  There are times I learn a little, but not all. I learn some of what there is to be gleaned from the event, but only the surface. I need to experience the lesson a few more times to get to the bottom of it, to get to the fundamental truth I have to face.  Being a woman in recovery I do spend some time mining my past for the lessons.  Many of the events, dramas, and instances I have been party to, have created or been victim of seem to be teaching me one thing, when the real truth is something different.  A simple example would be that I close down when my feelings are hurt.  A word or a look said in anger can slay me.  I shut down.  I used to think I was shutting down to punish by withdrawing.  I now know I shut down to punish AND to protect.  I protect myself from further harm by abandoning and cutting off the person who has hurt me.  (there is a further lesson here about boundaries; another subject for another day.) I dig deep , I find my piece, I understand my reaction, I get a lesson.  If I don't get the whole lesson the process gets repeated.  
Number Five: The more often the lesson gets repeated the harder it gets. It took me a while - but I see this now. There are probably only a dozen themes in my life: financial insecurity, fear of abandonment, desire to be seen / heard, the need for companionship, and feeling like I am not enough  are a few of them.  I avoid the negative and grasp for the positive.  This grasping and avoidance cause me problems. I get lessons about the difficulty this grasping and avoidance creates in my life.  I wish the lesson would STAY LEARNED, but evidently I forget.  I have felt heard, I have felt being seen and accepted - and the feeling dissipates.  The difficulty comes when I look outside myself for the security and resolutions. The more often I reach outside the more painful the disappointment. Looking inside, I am content. The lesson is look within.
Number Six: You know you have learned your lesson when your actions change.  Yes.  I have had a very successful experience with this in terms of my addiction.  The Pain of using became greater than my fear of stopping.  The lesson was learned, the actions changed and... the lesson stays learned.  In other parts of my life I seem to go back to numbers 3-5 again and again. I eat more than I need to and I gain weight. I eat more wisely and I lose.  My actions changed.  And then they didn't.  I have become much less defensive in recent years.  Defensive reactions caused aggressive or dismissive behavior from others.  I changed my behavior, became more matter of fact and clear and others began to treat me differently.  I changed my behavior and my situation changed.  

With these six laws of being human I can both feel myself being part of the universal connection with others, that my difficulties and dilemmas are not unique.  I also see the path out.  As in recovery the path out is ACTION.  I must make a change for there to BE change.  The struggle comes in finding out the nugget of change the seed of change the internal core that needs to be addressed. I need to find this OR my issue leaks out in another similar behavior and I am led to the same lesson.  
Being patient, being slow, taking time with the examination of the issue and the lesson will guide me to the action that I need to take.  So it isn't so hard next time.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" and a leader of Y12SR classes.
Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse). This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.
  http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now.

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY YOGA CLASSES: 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx




Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Comparisons Can Lead to Madness

The mind measures, evaluates and discerns. It is a skill used to keep us safe, to determine friend or foe We use this expertise when look into a field to find food to decide if a plant is safe eat or if it is some poisonous look-a-like.  When this talent goes awry for me is when I compare myself to others; I always come up short.  For some reason every time I match myself up with another I come up short.   How does this manifest?  In madness.

"Madness" can be used to described mental illness or disease, but the word is also used to mean:
"extremely foolish behavior:
"it is madness to allow children to roam around after dark"
folly, foolishness, idiocy, stupidity, insanity, lunacy, silliness; informal- craziness"it would be madness to do otherwise"
or:
a state of frenzied or chaotic activity."from about midnight to three in the morning it's absolute madness in here" bedlam, mayhem, chaos, pandemonium, craziness, uproar, turmoil,disorder, all hell broken loose, (three-ring) circus."



This is what happens to me.  I start comparing myself to others- physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically, in any fashion. I end up on the short end, lacking in some way.  My yoga practice is not good enough, my body is not the right shape, my diet isn't what it should be, the attendance at my workshops isn't like others', and so on.  Even my recovery can be found substandard!  I am not going to enough meetings, I don't work with as many new people as so and so does, I haven't found a new sponsor.  The litany of my shortcomings can poison my view.  The toxic attitude piles up and affects how I feel about the world; my world view coming from this maddened self.

Once I have "gone mad" I indulge in both extremely foolish behavior that sometimes (de) evolves into chaotic activity.  I try too hard in yoga class and hurt myself.  I stop practicing all together because I feel I don't measure up and why bother.  I starve myself half the day and over eat the other half.  I isolate from other feeling I have nothing to contribute or I get over involved, exhausted and then truly have nothing to offer.

Nothing good can come of comparison.  In addition to bringing negative judgement to what I do I also discount myself.  I show no honor or respect for myself as I am not looking inward to see how i feel, what my preferences are, what my own idea of  "leadership" or "success" are. I "outsource" my self esteem and neglect my inner resources. There is foolishness and insanity, there is internal chaos, turmoil and disorder.

"Stay on your own mat." - my advice to my students as they experiment with their own limits and challenges; my advice to myself when my attention wanders.  "Don't judge your insides by another person's outsides."  Recovery advice, so useful when taken so maddening when not.

When I am feeling good, grounded, integrated and whole, when I am feeling SANE (from the root, health) the urge to wander off my mat is nearly nonexistent.  If it happens, I notice it right away and lovingly call myself back; back to mySELF, to my BEing and to my mat.  I avoid berating myself, even then. I use my compassionate inner voice because I know it is part of being human; to scan surrounding, evaluate and compare.  It is part of my illness, my madness to judge myself negatively. So I observe, I note, and come back to self.

TODAY- I will stay on my mat in "all my affairs" (AA Literature) and contemplate my inner goodness, my unique contributions and leave the criticism and negative comparisons alone.  "To do otherwise would be madness!"

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" and a leader of Y12SR classes.
Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse). This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.
  http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now.

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY YOGA CLASSES: 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Monday, October 20, 2014

Staying Tidy in All my Relationships- Body Mind and Spirit


Saucha is a yogic observation of cleanliness. This discipline is practiced to remove everything that stands in the way of our connection to the divine. In recovery we approach this as well. We have steps to keep our attitudes, behaviors and relationships in right order (particularly steps four and ten, as well as six and seven.) We work through the steps to gain unfettered access to our higher power. In the rooms we talk about "keeping our side of the street clean", a very telling phrase as it is often MUCH easier to observe and make suggestions to another before looking at and changing oneself.  I know.  I have worked on this for a while.

Yogis start with saucha at a physical level.  Cleanliness and tidiness prepare us for deeper review of ourselves.  Keeping our rooms, our spaces our goods clean is a beginning. Use of the neti pot, the tongue scraping, and other digestive system practices remove toxins from the body. Advanced breath practices clean the respiratory system. Along with the physical practices of cleaning the body, prevention comes in: having a clean lifestyle moves us toward the divine and away from ways and things that will bring impurity - impurity to body, mind and spirit. As we attend to the physical the mental and spiritual cleanliness follow.  We head in the ultimate direction of harmony in body, mind and spirit. 

In early recovery we may need to learn some basic forms of self care, routine, and tidiness.  Keeping a clean sink, a clean bed, and clean rooms can be a difficult discipline.  Being accountable, responsible and  presentable can be a "tall order", but through these practices we can gain self esteem. I worked on this for a long time- finding balance; not going overboard into perfection, and not skimping either.  Later in recovery I found I also needed to keep the quality of my relationships clean.  This was not only continuing the practices of non-lying, non-stealing and non-harming (to name a few) but in understanding MYSELF and how I responded to others. I needed to dig into my motives, of pride and manipulation, of wanting and avoiding. In this way I was finding cleanliness of spirit that would bring me closer to my higher power.

My other program recovery challenges were that I had to acquire tools to keep my on my own side of the street- to know what was mine to do and not mine to do.  I needed to learn to call myself to rights when taking the inventory of another person. Practicing to responding appropriately to what is before me and not what I want to have before me was a big step.  Using acceptance in seeing what IS as it is and noting that it is NOT all about me.  I am learning to respond from my insides not your outsides. Yours is not mine to change.  I stay clean of ulterior motives when I ask for something, say something or do something. I stay neat and tidy unto myself. That does not mean that I don't relate or respond.  I do so respecting you and your opinion, your space.  

Yoga suggests that we are practicing in order to gain mastery over the senses, and a fitness, qualification or capability for self realization.  The program, too, encourages us to work the steps in order to have the spiritual awakening.  To find our connection with our divine spirit; inside and out. Yoga and recovery support one another on this beautiful path.
 
Saucha is a daily practice. Wake up, make your bed, brush your teeth, use your "mental floss" in meditation, move your physical body and breath deeply.  Tidy up and head into your day refreshing your spiritual connection in all that you do. 

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse). This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.   http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now.

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY YOGA CLASSES: 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Sunday, October 5, 2014

5 Aids in Preventing Relapse

Preventing Relapse Five Ways

I love my fellowship as a group and I love each person in the group. When one person is going through difficulty, we are all affected, and we all suffer when the disease takes one person out. This is a "cunning, baffling and powerful" disease and we must each remain vigilant to avoid the being drawn back into its grasp. I met a man the other day who doesn't have a group, wants recovery and avoids meeting. And I felt concerned for him.

Life is not always rosy and we (I) have to be in a habit of being with recovery friends in order to have that practice in place when life turns dark or grey. There is some wise advice out there to prevent relapse- and much of it has to do with the power of the group.

1. Stay close to your peeps! The "L" of HALT is a warning sign; when isolation looks preferable to community, when alienation feels more comfortable than inclusion, beware! This is a dangerous time, one in which you may be tempted to backslide; to use, to drink, to call a dangerous person, light a cigaret, eat, take up cards or any of the many behaviors we are working so hard to overcome. Instead- get to a meeting and be with your sangha, your group. Just sit with them in community, quietly. No need to be the center of activity, just BE - in safety.


2. Be in service. That's right - give away what you may, today, not believe you have. You do have experience, strength and hope even if it was the e,s and h of yesterday. Sometimes being in need is being of service. Allowing another person to lift you up gives them strength. We share in this seesaw mutual dance of giving and receiving support. But you have to show up, to be there to participate in the dance.


3. Listen to/for the solution. We are not all crazy (or blue) on the same day. Coming to meetings will affirm the good and remind you of the not so swell. We "tell on" ourselves and we share our difficulties and our strengths. In compassion and understanding you can see yourself; the good and the struggling. Go to a meeting and hear someone else tell your story.  Listen with your whole heart.

4. Pick up the phone. I know - this can be archaic - not a text, a tweet, an email or a social posting. Call. Why? You have no idea what is going to come out of your mouth! The truth pops out and you had no idea you "felt like that". The typing and the possible social posturing may in fact obscure your true feelings, and this person to person contact is critical (see #1 above).



5. Finally (and foremost) stay close to your higher power - you no longer have to be an "army of one". You are part of it ALL, humanity, the universe and everything! Check in with your higher power frequently. Be close to your HP, practice this communications when you are feeling fine so that the link is there when things are not so fine. Alone, we are in danger. Reach out. Stay in the tribe, the pack, the sangha, the kula, the posse. Stay with your peeps and keep the addiction at bay. When they are not available, in the dawn of day or the gloom of night, pray. With your higher power, you are not alone.

ps - There are many other tools to prevent relapse which include getting to know yourself, your feelings, be in good health, and knowing your danger / trigger points. Having them handy could save your life.

(reivsed 10/2/2014)

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RYT500 author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path”, CRP 2012,  is a yoga instructor specializing in teaching yoga to people in recovery. She is also the creator of the S.O.A.R.(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) certification program for yoga teachers.  She holds both in person and ONLINE S.O.A.R.(™) training programs. Somatics and trauma sensitivity as well as recovery language are a trademark of her style.  Online recovery oriented yoga classes are available at http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx
If you are a yoga teacher ready to take your calling and service to a new level you can find out more about Kyczy and the SOAR(tm) program.

You can follow her at www.yogarecovery.com ,  kyczy@twitter.com and facebook.com/kyczy

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Feelings are Not Facts - the Danger of Spiritual Bypass- Death of a Sponsor

Two ends of a spectrum; two ways to approach feelings when possibly there is a middle way.


As the adult child of an alcoholic I suffer from both frozen feelings and dramatic excess.  I know how to emote even when I don't know how to feel.  

Early in recovery I heard the phrase "feelings are not facts."  It helped me with panic, with fear, with anxiety, with the overwhelming sensations I would get when thinking about the future, and with the dread of dealing with the past.  At first I used this phrase to discount my feelings, to intellectualize them, to say "this isn't happening NOW so the feelings shouldn't exists".  I sent my feelings underground.  I missed an important point.  The feelings were VALID; they were NOT signals informing me of immanent danger which was how I experienced them. They WERE signals; that something was going on, that if I could find someplace safe, some emotional sanctuary I could investigate them.   Understanding that the feelings were not ACTUAL events helped me bring them to the right size.  KEY POINT : the right size.  I still had feelings- they were less dramatic and chaotic.

Later, I came to think that evidence of a "successful" recovery was to have only positive feelings; feelings of safety, sanity, of confidence and compassion.  If I was sad it meant I wasn't practicing the principles.  If I was fearful is meant I had no faith.  If I felt anxiety it meant I had issues with control. If I felt resentment it meant I was lacking acceptance. Every negative feeling indicated a failure to be following my program well.  There were times when I was ashamed of expressing my feelings; I didn't want anyone to think I was "doing it wrong".   It took time, but eventually I became a REBEL AA chick and told it like it was- unlovely, painful and difficult.  That helped me heal.  From frozen feelings, to feelings too big to be dealt with, through denial to expression, feeling them and letting them go.

I later chose a career where being together helped others feel safe.  I led classes, had private students, and wrote. I still do.  I back-slided to an old way of dealing with feelings. I looked at my job as something special; these are situations in which I felt my personal condition needed to be in balance and "resolved" without leaking emotions or states of being that would distract from the work with my students.  I had to have edges in place so that you, the student, could feel secure in finding your feelings and boundaries. This meant, I thought, that none of my feelings could be expressed publicly or show in any situation where my student might see me.

I fell back into the intellectualizing of my feelings, discounting them through mental machinations of "understanding" rather than processing.  This helped to put them aside so I could "do my work." It was not healthy.  Left in the dark they had an impact on my life and decisions even though  I was not admitting to the emotions.  They would come out... some way, somehow.

The danger came when I found myself practicing "spiritual bypass" as the way of setting feelings aside.   I meditated on feeling neutral, I used my mind to rationalize, reason and denounce my negative emotions. I didn't take the time to investigate, love, accept and process anything that would stand in the way of being in service.  I truly felt that if I "put it all in neutral" that I would serve people better.  Eventually, I choked.  I am too healthy now to go long with FROZEN FEELINGS.  I do come back to treating myself as I would a dear friend and advise her to let go, to give in, to feel. That there is NO SINGLE RIGHT WAY to process grief, memories, anger, sadness, loss or any one of the other many emotions one visits in a full life, a life lived fully.

I came back to seeing myself with compassionate eyes.
And then my sponsor died.  My grief and sadness were stuffed down for a days.  I had known the end was near. I knew she was ill and it was her time to go.  "Just not yet" was the phrase that came to mind over and over.  I wanted to write, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be aware of a VOID- but nothing came. I felt distracted, I felt tired, I felt unfocused and cross. I was worried that I was either suffering from frozen feelings OR that I had been practicing spiritual bypass,  that somehow I was not grieving right. 

I paced around inside myself thinking "What the heck!" and then it came to me: "This IS how I grieve!"  It was this way with the passing of my father and of my mom, and in may passings since.  I didn't cry out loud, I didn't become inert and devastated in a dramatic way, I just came "unglued" not is a big way, not so that you would notice, but in a deep and frightening way inside.  I lost internal edges, and have the feeling of being unmoored, untethered, adrift.

I became ME without YOU.  The void was there- this feeling WAS a fact.  And I didn't want to circumvent the feelings by becoming neutral. Not frozen, not bypassed, and not discounted.  This is how I grieve.  And it will take as long as it takes.

(Read more about feelings in this Psychology Today article.)
Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.  Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html

You may also take her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Meditation and Intentions

For a period of 10 days I had been using a guided meditation to refresh my morning practice. I discovered an useful intention-setting meditation; "Listening to Your Inner Voice" by Lori Leyden.  I was surprised; it truly has had an impact on my days.


I try guided meditations from time to time; and while I benefit from all moments in meditation some experiences linger. This practice has been one of those. I have been struggling with a challenge and the guidance provided here, along with my desire to face my barriers and boundaries, is the perfect union with my practice right now. Sitting quietly, becoming conscious of my safety, my willingness to grow and feel differently than I do now (practicing satya and aparigraha) and allowing, without constraint or control, to let the truth unfold slowly, I found my intention. I did not come to the cushion with a specific intention in mind. I came to the cushion with an openness to the possibilities; the possibility of change.

This is what the journey into a sober life has been for me. I did have an intention at first - to STOP IT! I wasn't sure what IT was; I did know that it would entail putting down the drink and drugs, but I had no idea what would come next. I just showed up. I found safety in the rooms, I became honest, and I became willing. I learned to let go: to let go of who I was and let go of what I thought was "going to happen".  And my life got better; the future opened up and while all situations have not been rosy - they have led to rosy moments and a life I could never have imagined.

So - being open to the intention discovered in this meditation was kind of like being a new comer to my life. I have jerks and pauses, and then cruise along with the smooth deep breath of moments that allow my days to be beautiful.

If you are interested try it! I am posting it here for your listening pleasure!

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.  Go to the website, scroll to the end of the page and sign up now http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html

You may also take her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx