Not like a butterfly, but like a lizard or a Snake - I change.I used to hold that beautiful image of a colorful delicate creature emerging from a chrysalis as the icon for my recovery self.
I have since learned that that is not true in my case.
It has not been a one and done event. Evidently I need more work.
I know that there is nothing puppy, unicorn and rainbow-ish associated with crustaceans, lizards, snakes or certain insects and beetles. They can be seen as ickable and scary; even evil at times. They are just animals in the kingdom of beings, nothing inherently bad about them. They just are not pet-able or universally loved.
They do, however, shed their skins as they grow - as many times as they need to. Their wrapping is discarded when no longer needed, when too constricting, when it has fulfilled its purpose.
My recovery is the same. I didn't just change once. YES - the spiritual experience that brought me into the rooms had the quality of the the caterpillar turning into a butterfly after a period of hibernation, resulting in an amazing transformation. But, as the Cat in The Hat would say: "No that is not all, oh no, That is not all!"
There has been more to learn, challenges that have stretched me, experiences that have roughed me up and opportunities that have urged me to grow. My old skin, my old me doesn't fit anymore. When I try to squeak back into the form of yesterday I find it too tight, too constricting. What was once comfortable is now too small. My life is bigger, my experiences are wall to wall, no longer tucked away behind a screen of guilt or shame.
The beautiful butterfly got me into the rooms of recovery, onto the path of waking up, into the journey to my authentic self. It are the moultings of these other animals that keep me here. Welcome your inner snake!
Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" .
She leads two Y12SR, yoga of twelve step recovery, classes a week for the public at Willow Glen Yoga in San Jose.
Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) intructing teachers about the unique needs of the recovery population. This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course. http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html
Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY INFUSED YOGA CLASSES:
