It's All In Your Head

JUST IN YOUR HEAD
There are some of us who heard our whole lives "it is just in your head", meaning that what ever we were feeling was an illusion or delusional thought. The implication was that we were not in reality, our responses and reactions were based on ... nothing. IN FACT we were responding (with more or less skill) to what was going on around us. Sometimes said, sometimes unsaid, but we KNEW what was going on. As a child of an alcoholic I learned well how to gauge my environment. I developed coping mechanisms solely upon the criteria of staying safe. But that phrase "it is all in your head" frightened me away from believing in my mind.

THE POOR BRAIN!
Imagine my delight when I discovered that they were right (to a degree) - but not in "that" way. Trauma of a chaotic and unsettled household and my later active addiction did, indeed, change my brain. The chemistry was certainly affected by ingested drugs and alcohol but more important is the fact that my life long experiences had changed the functioning of my brain.

THE GOOD NEWS
Just as sensory inputs had harmed the brain; wise and healing sensory inputs can restore the brain. YES! The brain can be healed.

THE QUESTION IS HOW
The tools we can use to restore us are simple. With breath, meditation and mindful awareness, as well as intentional movement - the damaged brain centers can be brought back on-line. The hemispheres can re-establish a relationship - right brain and left brain can unite. You can re-integrate the "dis"-integration of the brain, your being and your sense of self. Yoga combines these three modalities and that is why the impact is so tremendous - a brief consistent practice, over a relatively short period of time shows results. The word "results" referring to the fact that the brain heals. The trauma that turned off functioning in the brain can be repaired. Trauma exists at other levels: it is also in the body, and we can address it with the movement. The trauma is also in the self, and we can love that back to health.

THE YOGA SERVICE COUNCIL CONFERENCE
The talented, compassionate and passionate yogis who attended YSC the conference this year at Omega have been serving communities who need to heal. All forms of trauma; illness, poverty, abandonment, disease, neglect, marginalization and harm affect the populations that these yogis have decided to serve. The service means offering the tools for self care that yoga provides in an appropriate and inviting venue. Kelly McGonigal, B.K.Bose, Bessel van der Kolk (among others) gave group talks that amazed and inspired us. Sharing the results of their research freely with us, inviting us all to be part of the remedy, they explained how, what we were doing, had such a profound positive impact on the populations we served. It was a delicious affirmation of our efforts. It was grace.

Their documented research shows exactly this- that the brain, carefully and lovingly attended to, can reframe, reform and remap itself bringing integrated vitality and a wholesome life back to a once damaged being.

Remember - breath awareness, mindful meditation, and yoga. Now let the phrase "it's all in your head" be empowering and remind you, you have the solution.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training she holds with her good friend Kent Bond E-RYT500. Find out more about her, her classes and the training at www.yogarecovery.com

My Mind Was Playing Thief This Morning

This morning I was sitting in meditation – or I was until my mind stole away from me. In fact – it stole away WITH me. I had settled onto my place, without a thought of concern or dismay. I had done my rituals before settling down to let go. I was looking forward to this moment of quiet with no second thoughts of; “Will I be able to have a moment with a quiet mind?” “Will I be able to let go?” “What busy-ness do I have going on with my morning that I cannot afford these few minutes of mediation?” None of these usual resistances came to the fore. I lit my incense, I prepared my cushion, I got my shawl. I ensured that my toes would be warm and that my space was prepared. I sat.

The next thing I knew I was back from a long mental journey – whisked away on a story of unusual content and amazing detail. I was securing my home! I was locking the windows that are behind me in this room, I was turning bolts on the doors to my house and fretting about what was of value that could be stolen. What about the computer files that had not been recently backed up! I was not sure I could remember the name of my off line back up service and certainly not the passwords to retrieve the data. In fact I was convinced that all my work would be stolen away, unappreciated, and the hard drive wiped clean so my machine could be resold. I was shocked by this feeling of vulnerability as well as the idea of grasping and covetousness I was sensing about my goods. I was feeling so fearful and trying to think of a lo-jack equivalent that would prevent the computer from being useful to anyone else who might end up with it. Some sort of gizmo that would prevent start up in the “wrong” hands. How greedy and unkind; how confusing to my deep sense of “don’t fret, all will be well” that was accompanied with a twinge of pay back. “Go ahead and take my stuff – it will be useless to you if you do”.

Heart beating and heart hurting I came back to the present moment shocked and surprised. Breathe in, breathe out. Again. Breathe in, breath out; again. Release and find the meditative state; breathing and letting go and a blink later - WHAM – my mind is in my truck now – designing a key chain clip that would prevent a car from functioning 3 minutes after it was stolen or hijacked. There would be some kind of a chip that would need to be connected (wi fi, of course) to something I had in my pocket so that the ignition would function. If this connection were interrupted the car would stop; however the car would run long enough that the thief would think s/he had gotten away and then the vehicle would cease to function, not able to start again until this connection with the “mother chip” were re-established. Of course the thief wouldn’t know about this clever anti theft device until it was too late and then they would be nabbed.

I snapped to, back on the cushion – the timer had gone off and I was in distress. What was going on? I was afraid of loosing my current work. I didn’t know that. I was unaware of any feelings of scarcity or lack; any sense that what I am doing could “go away”. And yet – I was mentally locking doors and windows to keep my “self” safe. I am not a vehicle person. I love having transportation but I am not all about my truck. Any vehicle will do – so maybe rather than being possessive about my truck, it is the option and the freedom and the mobility that the vehicle symbolizes. Who knows. I was trying to find a way to keep myself from being ripped off AND, again, of having what was stolen be useless to the other.

What does this mean? I am still working it out. I need to take care of myself and give myself a sense of security. What is there in my world that is on shaky ground, that I feel could be taken away? It won’t be the obvious; that I know. So, for now, I am being kind, and coming back to the mat – where evidently the unconscious fears can be released. I also have to look at that feeling of retribution; spitting on someone else's food so it won’t be palatable to them . I hope my mind is more generous than I am; allowing me to find these peregrinations useful and not making the lesson useless to me. Thank goodness it is the PRACTICE of meditation. I will keep coming back to the cushion and to my program.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" ans "Life in Bite Sized Morsels", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 

Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

A Heart Cracked Open

I Love It - For Real, for real.

I am going to take several days to integrate what I discovered and learned (which are quite different things) at the Yoga and Addiction Recovery Conference at Esalen this past week. Nikki Myers, Rolf Gates, Vinnie Marino, Noah Levine, Carrie Coppola and Tommy Rosen all shared with a generosity of spirit, an authenticity and availability that touched me deeply. Among the intense experience of somatic release, meditation, 12 Step sharing and dharma talks my mind, body, spirit and emotions found corners of my heart. These areas had been long protected. I let them emerge without having to analyze or explain why they had been hidden. This abrupt awakening left me with a heart cracked open. I felt this with my body in the form of tears, in my emotions as a sense of increased vulnerability followed by a sense of alertness and aliveness, and in my spirit with renewed love and affection for both myself and others. Yes, for myself and others. Both. What a gift.

Stay tuned for more.

In the meantime my article on the breath was published in the Dynamic Living Magazine. Click here for more!

Daily Meditation

For a period of 10 days I had been using a guided meditation to refresh my morning practice. I discovered an useful intention-setting meditation; "Listening to Your Inner Voice" by Lori Leyden. Surprisingly it truly has had an impact on my days.

I try guided meditations from time to time; and while I benefit from all moments in meditation some experiences linger. This practice has been one of those. I have been struggling with a challenge and the guidance provided here, along with my desire to face my barriers and boundaries, is the perfect union with my practice right now. Sitting quietly, becoming conscious of my safety, my willingness to grow and feel differently than I do now (practicing satya and aparigraha) and allowing, without constraint or control, to let the truth unfold slowly, I found my intention. I did not come to the cushion with a specific intention in mind. I came to the cushion with an openness to the possibilities; the possibility of change.

This is what the journey into a sober life has been for me. I did have an intention at first - to STOP IT! I wasn't sure what IT was; I did know that it would entail putting down the drink and drugs, but I had no idea what would come next. I just showed up. I found safety in the rooms, I became honest, and I became willing. I learned to let go: to let go of who I was and let go of what I thought was "going to happen".  And my life got better; the future opened up and while all situations have not been rosy - they have led to rosy moments and a life I could never have imagined.

So - being open to the intention discovered in this meditation was kind of like being a new comer to my life. I have jerks and pauses, and then cruise along with the smooth deep breath of moments that allow my days to be beautiful.

If you are interested try it! I am posting it here for your listening pleasure!

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.  Go to the website, scroll to the end of the page and sign up now http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html

You may also take her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx