The Deadly Price of Anonymity- Celebrate Recovery

Addiction: a cancer in society.  Without long term support it will decimate us.

A very dear friend of mine is recovered from a year long battle with cancer.  It was life threatening. It was a sudden diagnosis and it toppled her world.  Life and the importance of her career, her activities, and relationship struggles all shifted. The mundane became important and the important became mundane.

After the treatments were over, her body cleared of the cancer she was still embraced in the process of recovery.  The center continued to provide support; meditation, nutritional counseling, yoga and movement classes,  talk therapy and medical follow-up.  This will be available for as long as she needs it.  This fatal illness garners respect even in remission.  There is no shame in returning to the cancer care center as many times a week as she is interested and able.  There is no shame in being a woman recovering from cancer.  Her experience with the profound change in her world view, some might call a spiritual experience, is accepted and lauded.  This after care is an accepted way to heal and a way to participate in the process of prevention: nutrition, stress management, movement, support and care.

The care and compassion expressed for my friend is universal; friends, family, co-workers have sympathy or empathy for her journey.  Both in illness and in recovery there is understanding.  Work colleagues make space for time restrictions, activity restrictions.  Only the sense for personal privacy limits what others know.  There is no shame in having cancer, there is no guilt inherent in this disease.

Now I think about myself and my friends.  We are in recovery from a fatal illness: drug and alcohol addiction.  Gambling, sex, food, relationships, debt - all forms of addiction that can lead to jail, illness or death.  They can lead to the stress illnesses that can contribute to diseases like cancer. Due to anonymity we can only express pride and share tools for continued recovery among our ranks. Our bosses, people we work with, sometimes family members are not privy to the disease nor to the recovery.  We are invisible - we live in silence.

When first (self) diagnosed we may have been involved in formal treatment- lasting for a specific period of time- usually 28 days. It is not necessarily holistic.  Nutrition and physical health may not be addressed.  There are few standard efficacious protocols.  Quality and care vary from place to place.  Aftercare is a luxury.  And all this available only to those who can pay or who are mandated from the courts.  A large number of people get no formalized care; they come to recovery on their own. they maintain on their own.

Anonymity perpetuates shame.
Anonymity perpetuates shame for having the disease and it perpetuates the assumption of relapse. "Don't tell anyone because you might "go out" again, you might slip, you might relapse."  There is little formal aftercare. Unless pursued on one's own there are no meditation classes, nutritional counseling, movement therapies available to help the recovering addict balance life and the life they are leaving.  One cannot assume that bosses and co-workers will sympatheticly provide moral and actual support.  In many circumstances the workplace must remain ignorant of the struggle: one's job security could be impaired.

The challenges of redefining yourself, your goals and dreams, of creating a new way of life are not supported by society at large- they are supported by fellow sufferers.  Thank goodness for that; but it is not comprehensive.

Anonymity prevents celebration.  Society focuses on those in active disease or relapse.  We are only able to celebrate the success of continued recovery amongst ourselves.  The news capitalizes on the fallen but does not celebrate the many victors in the battle against addiction.  Politicians seldom state they are twenty five years sober, but they have "battled cancer".  (THANK YOU Michael Botticelli for being public about your recovery.)You aren't going to hear of suprvisors or co-workers share their first year of recovery as they might being one year cancer free.  We don't see the oceans of people enjoying continuous recovery. And they are there!

That brings me to the celebration  of recovery. Breaking anonymity bravely and publicly helps all. February 26th was the Sixth (yes there were five others) Experience Strength and Hope awards.  Joey Pantoliano was honored this year for his courage, honesty and compassion and work in addiction recovery.  Artists and musicians are finding their way to the stage of openness and candor and that is tremendous.  We need voices in all walks of life, we need the struggles acknowledged and the stigma removed.

Stand up for your recovery.  Lets expand treatment to include post acute care and decrease the probability for relapse.  Decreasing shame may increase visibility and we need the road to recovery well embraced.  There is a heroin crises in this country.  We need to prepare for a new wave of healing to overcome the impact of that disaster; the overdose and overdose deaths. We have to come out of the shadows and bring long term healing modalities into effective and common use.

Shout outs to those who are making a difference:

To Vermont for accelerating recovery resources http://preview.tinyurl.com/mtvoxpj [Open in new window]

 To students making a difference: http://preview.tinyurl.com/npd9lj8

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And to our new Director of the National Drug Control Policy with 26 years of Recovery

http://preview.tinyurl.com/aghn6x7

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Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" .

In The Rooms  sponsors an online Yoga and Recovery meeting Sunday 7am PST.  Log in and join her there.

She leads two Y12SR, yoga of twelve step recovery, classes a week for the public at Willow Glen Yoga in San Jose. Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) intructing teachers about the unique needs of the recovery population. This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.  http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html 

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY INFUSED YOGA CLASSES: 

http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Recovery as a Road to Enlightenment

 "Recovery as a road to enlightenment" - words chosen carefully to express what the journey has been for me.  Just as I am not a proponent of the word "recovered" when used to describe my status in regards to my disease of addiction, I also don't use the word "enlightened" when referring to my path through life.  Neither of these actions is complete or stays  constant. I am always in the process of becoming.

You may have expected

that enlightenment would

come Zap! instantaneous

and permanent.  This is

unlikely. After the first

"ah-ha" experience,

it can be thought of

as the thinning of

a layer of clouds.

Ram Dass

Just as recovery began with a spiritual experience; the ability to ask for help, so does enlightenment begin with a moment of opening, of curiosity, of willingness. And like recovery, it is a exploration of self, of life, of opportunities and choices.  Both set the stage in life for things to be different than they are, yet a future unknown.  With courage, bit by bit, the future unfolds and the occasion for things to alter, to shift, to morph arrises.

There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination.  Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.

Anais Nin  

For those of us in recovery quotes about enlightenment sound as if they had been written about the exploration and acceptance of addiction recovery.  We experience a "thinning of the clouds" and a healthy life reveals itself "fragment by fragment, on a small scale". The first burgeoning experience may have been big,wild, a shock. There has been the occasional person who has had an initial sudden awakening, a burning bush, but mainly we are more familiar with the "educational variety" of spiritual experience.  These awakenings have come slowly, "mini miracles" that have marked my way.  Inearly recovery I had felt like my life was a 5,000 piece puzzle without the lid, I am now comfortable with it being a "laborious mosaic".

There are many paths to enlightenment.  Be sure to take one with a heart.

and

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.

Lao Tzu

I am on a quest: this quest is without end.  There is no goal.  The destination is each moment, the desire is to come to now.  I do that in learning to know myself; in doing that I am practicing recovery, in disovering, uncovering my self. 

This is good news for an addict and alcoholic like myself, for a woman who is working her way out of co-addiction and the challenges of that life.  Days or decades - recovery for me is an active verb- much like enlightenment- it happens in the present.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" .

She leads two Y12SR classes a week for the public at Willow Glen Yoga in San Jose..

Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse). This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.  http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html 

Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now.

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY INFUSED YOGA CLASSES: 

http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Universal Laws of Being Human and the Seed of Change

I have a note on my desk. I don't know where it came from but I have saved it.  I pick it up from time to time and say to myself - "oh yea!  I forgot about this."  It is the Six Universal Laws of Being Human.  I don't know where it originates.

The six universal laws for being human

1. You will be given a body.
2. You will be taught lessons.
3. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
4. If a lesson is not learned, it gets repeated.
5. The more often a lesson is repeated, the harder it gets.
6. You know you’ve learned your lesson when your actions change.

Ok - numbers one and two I can grasp.  The rest remain alternately elusive and redundant.

Number One: You will be given a body. This doesn't state what condition it will be in, what I can or will do with it nor how it will age.  Just that I get one.  Check.

Number Two: You will be taught lessons.  I didn't always consider the occurrences, challenges and even the joys in life were lessons, but I do now see them as such.  

Small disappointments- how do I handle them, how did I get into being disappointed, how do I manage or not manage to get into similar situations where disappointment may or may not be a result?   This is the nature of a lesson.  

Harder to see is the lesson as the result of terrible things happening; to myself, to family and to others. Illness, accident, surgery, loss. These "lessons" come from outside.  Sometimes they are do to life choices, life styles, or behaviors. If I persist in a dangerous or toxic behavior there is a great possibility that I will receive a lesson in the form of an illness or loss.  If I am harmed through a random event there is less I had to do with the event and no likelihood that I could have avoided it.  The lesson, again, is how I respond and how I engage in the outcome.  

Even joy has a lesson:  do I trust my joy, to I grab ahold of the joy trying to keep it, do I watch the joy. observe it and let it go.  Trying to hold on to joy can result in choking the current experience and missing the next.  In trying to maintain a level of happiness or pursing happiness as a goal can sour the present moment with the fear of losing it. So even joy has a lesson. Check.

Number Three: There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.  Now to a more obscure law. Mistakes are unintentional, they can be random.  A mistake kind of absolves me from responsibility.  "It wasn't my fault that X, Y, or Z happened - it was a mistake."  Things that happen in life which are seen as mistakes can also seem cruel;  the death of a child, the loss of a job, and unjust incarceration.  How can these not be MISTAKES?  And then I think again,  while they were not correct- they were opportunities.  Opportunities to learn and grow.  An event may be a universal fluke - but a lesson can be derived, saving it from being a useless occurrence.  Having something happen and writing it off as a mistake - would be a mistake.

Number Four: If a lesson is not learned, it gets repeated.  I have experienced this many times.  It surprises me in its simplicity and in its relentless truth.  There are times I learn a little, but not all. I learn some of what there is to be gleaned from the event, but only the surface. I need to experience the lesson a few more times to get to the bottom of it, to get to the fundamental truth I have to face.  Being a woman in recovery I do spend some time mining my past for the lessons.  Many of the events, dramas, and instances I have been party to, have created or been victim of seem to be teaching me one thing, when the real truth is something different.  A simple example would be that I close down when my feelings are hurt.  A word or a look said in anger can slay me.  I shut down.  I used to think I was shutting down to punish by withdrawing.  I now know I shut down to punish AND to protect.  I protect myself from further harm by abandoning and cutting off the person who has hurt me.  (there is a further lesson here about boundaries; another subject for another day.) I dig deep , I find my piece, I understand my reaction, I get a lesson.  If I don't get the whole lesson the process gets repeated.  
Number Five: The more often the lesson gets repeated the harder it gets. It took me a while - but I see this now. There are probably only a dozen themes in my life: financial insecurity, fear of abandonment, desire to be seen / heard, the need for companionship, and feeling like I am not enough  are a few of them.  I avoid the negative and grasp for the positive.  This grasping and avoidance cause me problems. I get lessons about the difficulty this grasping and avoidance creates in my life.  I wish the lesson would STAY LEARNED, but evidently I forget.  I have felt heard, I have felt being seen and accepted - and the feeling dissipates.  The difficulty comes when I look outside myself for the security and resolutions. The more often I reach outside the more painful the disappointment. Looking inside, I am content. The lesson is look within.
Number Six: You know you have learned your lesson when your actions change.  Yes.  I have had a very successful experience with this in terms of my addiction.  The Pain of using became greater than my fear of stopping.  The lesson was learned, the actions changed and... the lesson stays learned.  In other parts of my life I seem to go back to numbers 3-5 again and again. I eat more than I need to and I gain weight. I eat more wisely and I lose.  My actions changed.  And then they didn't.  I have become much less defensive in recent years.  Defensive reactions caused aggressive or dismissive behavior from others.  I changed my behavior, became more matter of fact and clear and others began to treat me differently.  I changed my behavior and my situation changed.  

With these six laws of being human I can both feel myself being part of the universal connection with others, that my difficulties and dilemmas are not unique.  I also see the path out.  As in recovery the path out is ACTION.  I must make a change for there to BE change.  The struggle comes in finding out the nugget of change the seed of change the internal core that needs to be addressed. I need to find this OR my issue leaks out in another similar behavior and I am led to the same lesson.  
Being patient, being slow, taking time with the examination of the issue and the lesson will guide me to the action that I need to take.  So it isn't so hard next time.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" and a leader of Y12SR classes.
Kyczy is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse). This certification training now available in an ONLINE study course.
  http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR__tm__Cert_all.html Scroll to the end of the page and sign up now.

Check out her ONLINE RECOVERY YOGA CLASSES: 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Freedom As The Result of Boundaries

When saying NO means saying YES

I am learning to have more boundaries.  I know, kind of late in the game to be acquiring this skill; better late than never.

Part of saying NO (thank you) is being able to weather the sting of turning someone down.  I have a wonderful, replete life filled with people I love, care about, and want to spend time with.  Some of the saying NO means I am choosing to be away from them.  This doesn't feel good, and I learn to live with the discomfort.  I am choosing to say "no" to one thing to say YES to another.  This feels selfish.  It is. I am learning to be SELF-ish.


I urge others to take time for themselves, to hold themselves sacred and dear.  I truly mean these words. In fact I have self care routines that can ground and prepare me for each day.  What I have been neglecting is to play.  To take classes myself, to do something where I don't have a specific defined outcome or productive result. Many things I do have an outcome: a meal, tidiness, a newsletter, an accounting report,  a class taught or a class given, a project completed.  I was craving NOTHING; meaning nothing productive, useful, or goal specific.

I needed clay.  I had to decline some wonderful friendship opportunities this past weekend. I had to say no to some otherwise really fun stuff.   I had to do this so I could sit down at the wheel with a few pounds of mud and make something for no reason.  I made pieces that I crunched up and put back into the clay bag, I made pieces that started out as one thing and became another.  I allowed myself to be a newcomer, a neophyte, a beginner and that took the (self induced) pressure off.  And the next day I needed to follow up; trim and decorate.  First time at the wheel in over a year.  I needed to do this just for myself and not for sale, a gift or to explain or teach.

Well,  I also needed a yoga class, particularly after that first day of throwing; my body was out of whack.  And rather than DO IT MYSELF; I was determined, in the name of self care, to lay down my mat in front of another teacher and to be cared for.  It was perfect.

By creating boundaries in my life I was able to find freedom: freedom to play, freedom to create and freedom to be a human BEing - rather than a human doing.  As the result of saying no AND saying yes I am refreshed.

The courage to change: from being an active addict and codependent to being a woman in recovery.  The courage to change: from a driven woman to one who can let go of the steering wheel: I wish each and everyone one of you the strength to say NO in order to say YES.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse); a teacher certification training that she holds with her good friend Kent Bond E-RYT500. Find out more about her, her classes and the training at yogarecovery.com

Recovery Two Point "O"

Free Online Recovery Conference

September 28 through October 2, 2013

This second Online Recovery Conference starts SOON!   Join by signing up online before the first day: September 28th. I am so honored and excited to be part of this event.  There are participants and listening members from ALL OVER THE WORLD!

I am scheduled for Sunday, the 29th - the same day as Mastin Kip!  Tommy Rosen is a wonderful interviewer.  He is able to put the interviewee at ease and to keep the conversation alive and vibrant. 

Other presenters include Rolf Gates, Nikki Myers, Durga Leela, Gabor Matte,  Gabrielle Bernstein, Jai Uttal, Tommy himself, and a host of others.  Come for a little, stay for a while.  This is going to be an amazing event.  

Pass on this information to others so we can all gather together with the intention of wellness and keep the conversation about recovery - from all manner of processes and substances - alive.

Click here to sign up

Weekend of Recovery and Community

Many Paths One Destination 2013

This weekend was filled with companionship. It began with the Many Roads One Destination event on the 14th and on the 15th a play "Our Experience Has Taught Us", a play about how the 12 Traditions came to be.  What a rich and fabulous life I get to lead.

Speakers on Saturday the 14th told us about their experiences with the 12 Step programs and how they incorporated recovery into their daily lives. Step work, sweat lodges, sharing circles, heart stories, pain release, changes in perspective, and rising like a phoenix from the from the ashes of shame and guilt; there are many ways to embrace and manifest recovery.

The opening ceremony set the tone for the inclusiveness of the Many Paths One Destination event. Come next year and connect with so many facets of our recovery communities.

The next day hearts, minds and spirits were opened and enriched with a play in San Francisco. Amid many errors in organization and some confusion; the day set off on time and with three friends to see "Our Experience Has Taught Us" - a play (docu-play-amentary) about how the A.A. Traditions were crafted.  From the fire of discontent, through the annealing process of discussion, resistance and more discussion; over three years in the crafting the Traditions were created because "without them we would die".  Using extensive interviews, research, reading biographies, news articles and stories, Jackie B. created a poignant piece that brought the viewer right into the moment- to FEEL the critical importance of the traditions. There is a lot to consider, reflect upon, and be grateful for.   The growing pains of this "simple program" were graphically depicted so there was no doubt that this simplicity was hard won.

Made even more wonderful was the companionship of my peeps, a lovely lunch in a splendid San Francisco day, and seeing a friend on stage donating her many talents to this production.

There were discussions of the traditions of membership, the role of the individual group to the whole of the program as well as the functional purpose of anonymity.  See "Our Experience Has Taught Us" and consider the role of anonymity.  Compare and contrast it to the discussions in "The Anonymous People" and really open the floor to in depth conversations.

First 164: How about a real review?

Here is a great post from one of my favorite blogs: First 164: How about a real review? 

Here is a simple plan to re-aligning yourself with your daily recovery practice.  Evaluate how you are doing energetically, physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Then take a moment to check in with your peeps.  This can get you back in synch with your true self, your recovering / ed self and you can find contentment. Surrender to peace.


Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is a yoga instructor specializing in teaching yoga to people in recovery and the creator of the SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) certification program for yoga teachers. She is also the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path".

If you are a yoga teacher ready to take your calling and service to a new level you can find out more about Kyczy and the SOAR(tm) program at http://www.yogarecovery.com/SOAR_Certification.html

Relapse prevention activities Basics 1 | Relapse Prevention Activities

Relapse prevention activities Basics 1 | Relapse Prevention Activities


For anyone who is not yet following this blog - this is hugely worth a read.  

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is a yoga instructor specializing in teaching yoga to people in recovery and the creator of the SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) certification program. Find more about her and the SOAR(tm) program at www.yogarecovery.com.

Five Important Benefits....

I am featured in AlchemYoga. Hop on over and check it out! You can click here to read it.
I have recorded it below as well.

With the auspicious co-occurrence of Yoga Awareness and Recovery Months happening in September, it is the perfect time for me to share my five important recovery benefits from practicing yoga.

1. Getting acquainted with feelings

When I was a newcomer, first entering the room of my 12 Step program I had no idea what my feelings were. I had the basics: sad, mad and glad, but even these were not in appropriate amounts or expressed in proper circumstances.My emotional wiring had shorted out. Fast forward a few years and I have developed a rainbow of feelings, of emotions, and I had become more skilled at expressing them in the right volume and the proper circumstance. And yet, I still had difficulty identifying MY own personal feelings; I still felt blocked and out of touch with myself. Enter yoga: What an amazing experience. On the mat I began first to get in touch with my physical sensations. With time I began to investigate my responses to them: how did I feel about effort? How did I feel about the challenging poses? What did my heart and my mind deal with that? Did I try extra hard, did I recoil from the pose? Did I dread trying it or feel I was in battle with it, pushing through to conquer it? I realized that how I dealt with my yoga practice was how I dealt with life. It became a window and a mirror. It helped me learn my feelings and feel the process of learning.

2. Slow Growth with Gratitude

I am not a spring chicken. I am a woman of a certain age and I am delighted with my presence on the planet at this time. Like many in the rooms of recovery – one of the outcomes of my past life could have been death or disability. I am so fortunate to be here. My age does not trouble me. When I am in a yoga class and look around at others – I see youth and flexibility and strength and all kinds of abilities I do not possess. That is judging myself by their outsides. Not so helpful. When I bring myself back to myown mat, and participate in my own practice: as I have to participate in my ownrecovery, I am able from day to day, from practice to practice see progress. Not weight loss or arm balance mastery or any pretzel pose, but composure, steadiness, stillness and ease. As in practicing the principles of the program the change comes – “sometimes swiftly and sometimes slowly”. I notice the changes and I am grateful.

3. Discipline and Commitment

It is not always easy getting to a meeting. It is not always easy getting to a yoga class. It requires commitment and dedication – to your self and your growth. I know I will feel better. I know my mind will move away from planning or perseveration when I practice my yoga. I can’t think about the grocery list when I move through my fourth slow sun salutation or balance in half moon pose for ten slow full breaths. I just can’t do it when my mind wanders. I stay there in my body, feeling my feelings, witnessing my mind, and being in my body. That is the grace of the practice and even when there is joy when coming out of final relaxation – I occasionally fight attending to my practice. I procrastinate, I make excuses, I resist. Just like going to meetings. And yet, nothing can be better than keeping that commitment. It is an estimable act – helping to build self worth.

4. Integration

One of the definitions of yoga is union: union of body mind and spirit. I am an addict/alcoholic. I have a physical allergy, spiritual malady and suffer from a mental obsession. This makes yoga a perfect remedy, a holistic remedy for this holistic disease. Through the breath and through the poses we calm the mind. In fact the mind may even soften to the point that thinking retreats into the background and one can get in to a meditative state – just experiencing the pose, the breath and one’s higher power. In meetings and in our 12 step work we move toward the eleventh and twelfth steps, creating in ourselves the capacity to both pray and meditate as well as to be right in our thoughts, actions and deeds in our daily lives. We do this so we may be of service. And through Karma yoga we also practice being of service coming from the place of our higher selves. In this way we have developed integration of body, mind and spirit and practice this both on and off the mat.

5. Trust

Now you might wonder how does yoga affect trust. I first wondered how going to meetings was going to keep me sober! I was also curious as to how working the twelve steps would improve my life. It was in shambles, I was in shambles. And yet, trusting in the process, I came to meetings, met with another alcoholic, read and worked the steps and now, many years later I no longer doubt. I trust. I am not flexible. I am stiff and I don’t have one of “those” bodies. I have a mind that whirls around and seemingly cannot stay still, how was I going to practice yoga and how was I going to relax in savasana (tranquility pose)? I trusted. I stepped onto the mat, slowly the pain in my wrists evaporated and I could do downward facing dog without my awareness of my hands and forearms distracting me from my breath. My forward fold became less stunted and strained and became more fluid and full of ease. I gave myself time to improve and learn; I trusted my body to know what was OK, what was safe and I worked within that capacity. I don’t do elaborate back bends – they are not for me. It took a few experiences with pain to affirm this, but now I know. I have trusted both my limits and my abilities. I have taken this knowledge into my experiences off the mat and realize there are some things I do with ease and well, some things I do with difficulty and well, and there are some things that I have a choice about. Self-trust is huge and it is a very worthy benefit from both the recovery and the yoga practice.

Now you might know that these five things are but a scratch on the surface of mutual benefits. What have you discovered? What has recovery provided that is helpful on the mat? And what has yoga taught you that is helpful in recovery. I would love to hear your experience strength and hope.

by Kyczy Hawk
Author: “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and "Life in Bite Sized Morsels"

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200 is a yoga instructor specializing in teaching yoga to people in recovery and the creator of the SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) certification program. Find more about her and the SOAR(tm) program at www.yogarecovery.com.

AlchemYoga has a lot of interesting entries so plan to spend a few minutes and check it out!.

Avoiding Relapse of Every Stripe

Yes – I can relapse – not my substance addiction but my emotional sobriety. How does this happen? How “unlovely” can I BE! What can I do to prevent it?

Some event occurs. I come into it feeling vulnerable: insecure, unsure, fearful or uncared for. A conversation commences and does not go well. And I snap. I am not able to “take” it. What ever “it” is –loud talk, hasty words, uncaring speech or even a disappointing outcome. This can be a conversation with a vendor, a service person or someone who is in calling to advise me about a plan. What ever the conversation is about there is something disappointing. I find myself out of balance and that leaks out all over the interchange. First I become strident, then I shut down. We conclude the discussion and I hang up.

But that isn’t the end of it. I go on to ruminate and disturb my current moments with the memories of that unpleasant conversation. These memories are enhanced by stories from the past, fertilized and nurtured by hurt and resentment. Now they have grown from fledgling discomfort to a full-grown jungle of negative emotions. Then "generosity" appears and I feel compelled to share this experience with others, over and over, letting their concern and sympathy fan the flames of my bitterness. I then move into self-righteous anger – a deadly intoxicant for this person in recovery – and the “slip” is complete. I have fallen off the maturity and spiritual wellness wagon. I am now on my back in the mud, wiggling around, searching for the foothold of composure and wellness. I yearn to walk upright in peace; body, mind and spirit integrated in one unified whole of compassion for self and others. And, yes, the suffering comes because I am TOO WELL to be THAT SICK anymore.

 I can be pretty unlovely, mewling in my pain and frustrated in my inability to overcome it. And the answer comes, as they often do, in the sharing of another. Don’t resist, experience. Allow the feelings to be, without the story, without justification, defense or even denial. Sit with it and let it pass. And stop “sharing the wealth” of disdain and distress. Yes, I have been taking my own poison.

And today I choose to stop. I avoid relapse of my primary addictions by sticking with my program of recovery. I avoid relapse of an uncaring attitude toward my body,mind and spirit unity by practicing all the forms of yoga. I practice keeping my spirit in good health with meditation. And, yet, I am still human and can relapse in my emotional "sobriety".  How can I avoid this? I go back to the principles of yoga and recovery.  Will that prevent them for good and all? I don't know – but I do know the periods or relapse are shorter, the anguish less severe and less perseverant, and yes, I do eventually remember to sit. Sit it through don’t sit it out.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" ans "Life in Bite Sized Morsels", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 

Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Guest Blog - "First 164"

Here is a wonderful blog on Alice in Wonderland, ego and the Big Book of AA. Thank you "First 164"! or this link

Rejoice in Recovery

No. we are not a glum lot. That is true – together before and after meetings you can hear the chatter and the laughter. But sometimes, on my own, I forget how to have fun. Fun had been a drink …or 5, then it had stopped being pure fun, it became fun with problems and finally, then, as they say, it turned into just problems. I kept at it, hoping for at least the “fun and problems” stage – dreaming really of the illusive FUN with FUN part. When that all stopped working I had to concede that drinking was not only NOT fun, but was an illness that could kill or incapacitate me. (Funny word “incapacitate” as is kind of breaks down to “without a head” and I definitely was moving toward a head-less existence). So , back to the subject: fun, or NON-fun. I stopped drinking, started working the program, found some relaxation and entertainment in the rooms – but still – I didn’t know how to have sober fun outside of my recovery tribe. And it is important to know how to have fun; reading or riding, crocheting or climbing, sewing or singing; I needed to find a way to do something NON productive, un-important and joyful. We were talking about this at a meeting recently: “what do you do for fun?” I really had to think! I had been so busy, had filled my time so fully – I didn’t have time for FUN. That is not completely true, I did have time, I was just frittering it away with in-between things (online foolishness, reading stuff on the way to throw it away, over committing myself, cutting out time to BE). I used my “too busy” excuse to avoid making an effort to find fun things to do. As an adult child of an alcoholic I still have vestiges of that reality in the present time; I am responsible for EVERYTHING (not). If I see a pan I wash it, a smudgy floor I mop it, a dry plant I water it and I do not live alone. Not all things are mine alone to do. Step over the smudge and out the door for a walk! Put down the newspaper ads and pick up a book. Don’t darn and mend – create! Make something for fun and not because it is useful. This is one of the reasons sobriety is joyful – we can learn to play. At the meetings I learn to laugh and find silliness in life. I listen to what others do in their “free time” and I try it out for myself. Walks or waterslides, golf or galleries, movies or museums, I need to find something that pleases me and try it. Don’t make it a rule to do it “X” number of times or until thus and such a goal is reached… just sample it and try something else. Life is for living. We are not a glum lot.



Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" ans "Life in Bite Sized Morsels", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 

Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Gratitude Fills My Heart

THREE YEARS AGO THIS HAPPENED

A short note with a BIG THANK YOU to Rob and Angie of our local recovery bookstore; All About Recovery. They hosted a wonderful book signing for me to welcome my book "Yoga and The Twelve Step Path" into the world.

Now, again, All About Recovery is holding a grand RE-Opening of the store August 15th, 2015 from 11am to 3pm. There will be a celebration with food prizes and at 1pm I will be signing my NEW BOOK "Life in Bite Sized Morsels- Learning to Live Life on Life's Terms".


This is how it unfolded in 2012: 

I arrived early to see if I needed to do anything to help prepare and to find out what the process would be. They had everything under control: coffee hot and water cool for the event. Even a popcorn machine was out and ready, giving the space a festival feel.

 As an extra added attraction their daughter in law was set up to do chair massage. I was the first one to take advantage of this offer - and she gave me the most wonderful massage - gratis - effectively petting all my fur into the right direction. I calmed down, got centered, used my breath and - well not quite relaxed - but moved into the moment. As I was draped over the chair I heard the first person come in asking about the signing and the book. It is really happening.

Even before 2pm folks were coming in. Friends brought snacks, they chatted and walked around the store. They bought cards, CDs and books. I was able to witness the interconnectedness of people in the area - folks who knew each other unbeknownst to me. With the conversational buzz and greetings shouted across the room, and general feeling of excitement; it was a PARTY! Seated at a table in the back of the lovely air conditioned shop I was able to spend a few minutes with each person who came. That made it even better than a party where you really don't get to SEE everyone who comes because you are dashing about.

At this celebration I got moments with each person. I saw people who had driven quite a distance, people I hadn't seen in years, and people who were an unexpected surprise. At 5pm, an hour after the signing was to have been done, I grabbed a treat from the snack table and wandered off to my truck and home, exhausted but delighted. I thank you all! I am so grateful, Namaste.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path" ans "Life in Bite Sized Morsels", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 

Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

A Gift Bag Of Puke

First let me say that lessons can be found anywhere, in any form. I choose to actively look for my lessons; life speaks to me. There is a window above my kitchen sink. I can watch kids going to and from school, people on their daily runs, or walking their dogs as I wash my dishes, pare my fruits and cut my vegetables or run cool water to drink.

 Sometimes a car will park under the curbside tree to make or receive a cell phone call. I look out with curiosity, hoping to recognize the occupant as a visitor and not just someone using the shade for convenience. A few days ago a car stopped and the passenger door opened. I gazed out anticipating recognition. Someone was dropping by! Instead the passenger leaned out and, partially hidden by the butterfly iris bush, began to heave. She spasmed over the curb several times, began to withdraw back into the car and lurched out again to wretch some more. I am standing at my sink watching this - feeling I should run a glass of water and bring it to her.

But my mind kicks in and overrules my heart with thoughts. I start thinking; embarrassment on her part, intrusion on my part, the front door sticks so I won't get out there on time, and so on. I waste vital minutes on prevarication eventually talking myself out of this basic act of human kindness. It is too late. She has drawn back into the car one final time, the car door closes and they pull away. I gaze back to the curb mildly concerned about what I would see - and there is it! A gaily, brightly colored gift bag in the gutter. I can't believe my eyes. She had found a container in her car to catch her effluvia. She had done what she could to contain the mess. I am astounded. I pause, drink the glass of water I had started for her and felt shame.

Shame that I had not overcome my reticence and offered this suffering traveler a gift of comfort; and yet she had done her best to reduce the impact of HER discomfort to me, and unknown homeowner. She had tried to mitigate the problem her pain had caused me. I had another lesson; follow your heart, your instinct for kindness.

 A walker trips in front of you- instinctively you reach to assist her. Someone drops a parcel - without thinking you reach down to retrieve it for them. Don't think: do. Don't let your head - which is NOT always wise - over rule your humanity. Rather than delaying a kindness due to some pre-sensed prejudice - such as the inconvenience of sick in the gutter - go with compassion and offer to ease a traveler's discomfort. 

 This is what I have learned from a gift bag of puke.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 
Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx