A Gift Bag Of Puke

First let me say that lessons can be found anywhere, in any form. I choose to actively look for my lessons; life speaks to me. There is a window above my kitchen sink. I can watch kids going to and from school, people on their daily runs, or walking their dogs as I wash my dishes, pare my fruits and cut my vegetables or run cool water to drink.

 Sometimes a car will park under the curbside tree to make or receive a cell phone call. I look out with curiosity, hoping to recognize the occupant as a visitor and not just someone using the shade for convenience. A few days ago a car stopped and the passenger door opened. I gazed out anticipating recognition. Someone was dropping by! Instead the passenger leaned out and, partially hidden by the butterfly iris bush, began to heave. She spasmed over the curb several times, began to withdraw back into the car and lurched out again to wretch some more. I am standing at my sink watching this - feeling I should run a glass of water and bring it to her.

But my mind kicks in and overrules my heart with thoughts. I start thinking; embarrassment on her part, intrusion on my part, the front door sticks so I won't get out there on time, and so on. I waste vital minutes on prevarication eventually talking myself out of this basic act of human kindness. It is too late. She has drawn back into the car one final time, the car door closes and they pull away. I gaze back to the curb mildly concerned about what I would see - and there is it! A gaily, brightly colored gift bag in the gutter. I can't believe my eyes. She had found a container in her car to catch her effluvia. She had done what she could to contain the mess. I am astounded. I pause, drink the glass of water I had started for her and felt shame.

Shame that I had not overcome my reticence and offered this suffering traveler a gift of comfort; and yet she had done her best to reduce the impact of HER discomfort to me, and unknown homeowner. She had tried to mitigate the problem her pain had caused me. I had another lesson; follow your heart, your instinct for kindness.

 A walker trips in front of you- instinctively you reach to assist her. Someone drops a parcel - without thinking you reach down to retrieve it for them. Don't think: do. Don't let your head - which is NOT always wise - over rule your humanity. Rather than delaying a kindness due to some pre-sensed prejudice - such as the inconvenience of sick in the gutter - go with compassion and offer to ease a traveler's discomfort. 

 This is what I have learned from a gift bag of puke.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RTY500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", a leader of Y12SR classes, and the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. 
Follow her ONLINE recovery infused yoga classes 
http://yogarecovery.studiolivetv.com/MemberRegistrationYR.aspx

Setting Intentions Can Be Scary!

It is one thing to step securely on the sand and let your feet be lapped by the waves- it is another thing entirely to be in the water, toes touching nothing, being part of the vastness, lifted by the waves. Setting intentions and aligning them with purpose has been like that for me. After having taken Rolf Gate's "Living on Purpose" workshop I have been writing and noting (scribing and observing). I made a list of opportunities I am ready for. I really thought about what my purpose, service and mission are. I sat with my eyes closed and my mind focused to FEEL how I wanted them to manifest. Much is the same: intent is different. My vision has become more precise as "the universe has difficulty supporting ambivalence". So integration and unification has been the path of the last few weeks. Reviewing choices about my activities, selecting them wisely and putting them in concert with my intentions has created a powerful energy flow in my life. This has been the toes on the shore portion of the process. In the sea: the opportunities have undulated towards me. I have had people come to me, unbidden, to help me out with facets of my dreams. I have had calls and contacts from across the country in Maryland to invite me to come and play; to teach and to remember my community. I was able to find an error in an important piece of work and, with grace and support, was able to get it fixed. I am, again, ok with mistakes - they do not drown me. I can relax and re-work, repair and restore. So... Beware and rejoice! The bounty of the universe may be yours, too!

Ethics and My Daily Practice

HOT, MEDIUM OR COOL - How to I integrate my ethics into life and practice.


It was suggested to me that I think about how I live my ethics; is my practice "hot, medium or cool". My first internal response to this was - I am rigorous about my attention to my ethics. I am a practicing member of my recovery fellowship, AA, and I am a practicing yogi. I work the steps, and practice the principles in "all of my affairs". I have a daily spiritual practice of listening to my inner stillness and honoring the 8 limbs of Raja Yoga.

On more reflection I realized why it is called a PRACTICE (and not a perfection). Some days may approach is lukewarm if not totally "cool". I sit in stillness only to make note of all my thoughts of things to do. The stillness is merely organized inactivity in preparation for wild activity. There are days my personal yoga practice is so perfunctory as to be merely extended stretching while putting on my socks and pulling on my sweater. I may stop at a sink or wall to extend my back and experience the tightness in my hamstrings or calves, push my palm against the hallway wall and linger for thirty seconds to open my tight shoulders but that is it. It is the practice of yoga while I am on my way to doing something else. Certainly not a mindful mat practice. 

My engagement with my ethics is another part of the journey. First, what are they? I embrace the Yamas and the Niyamas (and the corollary of some of them in avoiding the 7 Deadly Sins) and they do form the basis of my ethical behavior. That includes the practices of forgiveness and compassion - so critical for me to be able to express and act in these ethical manners.

When do I fall short? I fall short when I am feeling less about myself. I fall short when I feel I need something that with my own current skill or resource level, I am unable to earn on my own. This can apply to the material; but more often now it occurs when I feel I need or want something non-material. This can be ability on the mat, this can be artistic and technical skills in the pottery studio, this can be wisdom to navigate difficult situations in life. When I am feeling badly about myself I have more opportunity to "regret the past", I have more need to control the outcomes of situations, I am unwise in my speech and attitude and am more likely to cause harm. When I am angry at myself I am much more likely to find occasion to be angry at others. This may sound simplistic - but is IS all about me! It is my "stinkin thinkin" that gets me into difficulties.

Compassion with myself begets compassion with others, Acceptance of myself as I am "leaks out" to manifest in acceptance of people, places and things as they are. And this causes a wave; a smile given is a smile returned. Listening quietly with an open heart allows the speaker to be in there moment unfettered to expectations. Employing Tapas, discipline, to acquire the skills I need to be better at what I do will remove the need to yearn for others' abilities. When it comes to things - examine why I need then, what it is I really "want" and then, work and save for it if that thing is necessary. So how am I with my ethics? Better in this moment, better when I consider them in what I think, say and do. Will I ever think I am "hot" or 80 to 100% attentive? I don't know. I am concerned that when I feel "hot" I am really "cool".

Today, however, I am going to reinvigorate my attention to this question; I will remind myself again and again (I have an over active "forget-er") to come back to the question and then, to come back to compassion.

Kyczy Hawk E-RYT200, RYT500 is the author of "Yoga and the Twelve Step Path", "LIfe in Bite Sized Morsels" and a leader of Y12SR classes. She is the creator of SOAR(tm) (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) a teacher certification training. Recovery infused yoga classes are available on Studio Live TV. Find out more about her, her classes and the training at www.yogarecovery.com

Learning how to receive

Over this holiday I received a gift of money. I was astounded, surprised and very grateful. This was un-budgeted, unexpected cash. Over the last several years my "wanting" has decreased. We live close to the bone, within our means and it suits me. I have no pressing need for any material goods. I am of an age where I have collected all I want and have all I need. My kitchen has pots and pans, my closet has clothes that fit, and I have ceased craving the next new design or color for my towels and sheets. I have it all! I am totally grateful and aware, deeply aware, that not all people can say even a fraction of that.
But this was a surprise and it opened up the door on wanting, the revisiting of craving. Was I going to toss this money into the "bill" maw and allow it to be part of the PGE, the water, the insatiable gas needs of my truck? It could certainly go there. It could provide some measure of security, some "prepaid" assurance against some unforeseen need like tires, or a house repair. But I didn't want to do that with all of this bounty. I did feel like I needed to practice receiving. This was a gift to me, an opportunity to do or have for myself something that I wouldn't permit myself otherwise. I don't often see the gray, but this time I did. What if I used some for myself and some against a rainy day?
So I did. I registered for on online course on intention and self care. I am taking: Living on Purpose; Group Coaching on Deliberate Creation - with Rolf Gates. I have been thinking for a while that I would like some time for self development: development that has, at its end purpose, my own self care. I have a habit, an unfortunate focus of intent, of signing up to learn things SO I can teach. Take a sculpture class so I can better explain it to others, take a training so I can lead and so on. It is important that I be in service; but just now, while I face a lot of new and unknown things I need to, I want to, take care of myself. So this wonderful gift of surprise money allowed me to take advantage of this idea I had; taking care of myself, without having to purloin funds from the family fund.
First step in self care... learning how to receive. I guess that is the second part of the present.

Growing and Changing

A new class is being formed for Yoga and Recovery - Y12Sr - starting Monday, January 9, 2011 from 7 pm to 9 pm at the Gyalwa Gyatso Buddhist Center in Campbell. I am excited and feeling a little anxious. It is the kind of anxious I feel when I have invited folks over and the table is set, the food is all but finished, the house is clean, the towels arranged just so in the "necessary". I am ready and it is only four hours until the guests arrive! Not really, but it feels like that. The preparedness and the forward looking combine to being both in the past (preparation) and the future (arrival). The present looms large with the sensation of no NOW. Really, the NOW is all there is and being really there, in the moment, in each moment without the distraction of things to do, or conversations to begin, or projects to start, is very uncomfortable. This is actually the perfect time to practice now-ness.
While I experience anticipation and excitement I will make these days about being where I am; practicing the fullness of karma yoga. I do all that I can and let go of the results. Sounds almost like the program, doesn't it! Ha - tricked again into practicing the principles in all my affairs.
Happy New Year!

A Heart Cracked Open

I Love It - For Real, for real.

I am going to take several days to integrate what I discovered and learned (which are quite different things) at the Yoga and Addiction Recovery Conference at Esalen this past week. Nikki Myers, Rolf Gates, Vinnie Marino, Noah Levine, Carrie Coppola and Tommy Rosen all shared with a generosity of spirit, an authenticity and availability that touched me deeply. Among the intense experience of somatic release, meditation, 12 Step sharing and dharma talks my mind, body, spirit and emotions found corners of my heart. These areas had been long protected. I let them emerge without having to analyze or explain why they had been hidden. This abrupt awakening left me with a heart cracked open. I felt this with my body in the form of tears, in my emotions as a sense of increased vulnerability followed by a sense of alertness and aliveness, and in my spirit with renewed love and affection for both myself and others. Yes, for myself and others. Both. What a gift.

Stay tuned for more.

In the meantime my article on the breath was published in the Dynamic Living Magazine. Click here for more!

Preparing for November Workshop

I am so delighted to be able to present my workshop on Yoga and the 12 Step Path November 13th at the Gyalwa Gyatso Buddhist Center in Campbell. I am going to focus on the Yamas and the Niyamas as well as lead a gentle yoga class. I am still contemplating and meditating on the actual content of each section and that gives me an opportunity to listen to and reflect upon the truth of these tenets in my everyday life. That is where the yoga lives in me - in the truth of my thoughts, speech and behavior in everyday life. These concepts are not just to be part of reading and discussion (although that is a starting point). These concepts come alive as I practice them - not only out and about with people I don't know, but with my family and friends, as well as in my heart and mind when conversing with myself. The addict lives strongest in my brain and the practices of yoga need to winkle themselves in there to soften my heart, calm my mind and bring the actions of self tenderness into the day. So here is to my practice and I look forward to sharing it with you. Come join me Sunday 11/13/12. More information will be forthcoming.